I Know
by Elisabeth James
Summary: Mamoru discovers Usagi's secret identity and decides to take matters into his own hands


I Know  
Part 1/1  
PG (for light swearing)  
By Elisabeth James  
liz221@ameritech.net  
  
This is a songfic based off the Fiona Apple song "I  
Know" The lyrics just jumped out at me and compelled me to  
write. So enjoy and please send feedback, I haven't written  
anything in awhile and I am going through withdrawal :)  
  
A very special thanks to Lelu who helped me think of a  
plot to this wonderful piece of music  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Sailor Moon or "I Know"   
  
~  
So be it, I'm your crowbar  
If that's what I am so far  
Until you get out of this mess  
~  
  
They shared a silent look, a gaze that possessed  
underlying motives that no one around them would have  
understood. Her pale blue eyes wordlessly pleaded with him to  
comprehend her desperate need for secrecy. She licked her lips,  
trying to find the words she needed to say to the dark haired  
gentleman before her.  
"Please Mamoru-san, don't tell anyone..."  
He looked back at the girl before him, her pale skin  
glowed as the setting sun guilded her with it's last rays of light.   
He had thought he had known her, had her all figured out. She  
was a klutz, a ditz, a crybaby, nothing more. How had he never  
known that she was strong and brave? Caring and kind? She  
was the soul who guarded Tokyo at night. She was Sailormoon.   
How had he overlooked these things in her petite form?  
She was the girl he had rescued from many battles. She  
had clung tightly to him when she was terrified, her warm body  
pressed up against his in moments of desperation.  
She was the warrior he loved.  
Her golden tiara caught the light cast off from the sinking  
rays of the sun and broke him free from the trance that had held  
him from the moment he had watched Usagi transform into  
Sailormoon. She had noticed him only seconds lately and had  
marched right up to him, begging for his silence.  
He placed his hands on her shoulders, and tried to smile,  
"I would never dream of telling anyone, your secret it safe with  
me."  
She impulsively threw her arms around his neck in an  
awkward hug, "Thank you. I have to go." In a flash she was  
gone, rushing off into the fray.  
There was no more time for him to think about what he  
had learned, because he too needed to go. In a twirl of black and  
red, Tuxedo Kamen rushed off in the same direction as  
Sailormoon.  
  
~  
And I will pretend  
That I don't know of your sins  
Until you are ready to confess  
~  
  
High fives were exchanged as the girls gathered around a  
pile of ash that had once been a youma, a man in black watched  
from a distance as they celebrated their victory, high off the  
adrenaline pumping through their veins.  
He kept his thoughtful midnight blue eyes focused on the  
enigma in blue and red. How many people knew both sides of  
her? Could he be the only one, the solitary being to see both the  
darkness and the light of her personality? He unconsciously  
leaned forward to see her better, taking in the similarities  
between the superheroine and her everyday identity.  
Every gesture, every look, every hair toss was the same,  
all of them became engraved in his mind, criticizing him for not  
seeing it sooner. Or was it because he didn't want to see it  
sooner? His brain hurt with the overload of information that was  
pounding through it. Had he chosen to overlook the resemblance  
because he cared about one facet of her but could barely stand  
the other?   
Mamoru inched forward again, as if her face might reveal  
the truth in his heart to him. He inhaled deeply, trying to get a  
grip on his emotions. He watched as she started toward her  
home, the moonlight caught the strands of her cornsilk hair and  
her face looked more heavenly than ever, beckoning for him to  
come closer.   
Mamoru shook the thoughts from his head quickly, he  
wouldn't get involved at Tuxedo Kamen but he would sure as  
hell to get involved at Chiba Mamoru. But not until after a good  
night's sleep  
  
~  
But all the time, all the time  
I'll know, I'll know  
~  
  
"One chocolate shake please!" he recognized her sweet  
voice the second he heard it. His eyes regarded her carefully as  
he watched her from across the arcade. He had chosen a booth  
near the back to make sure she wouldn't notice him and leave  
the second she spotted him at the front counter.  
"You're in an awfully good mood Usagi." Mamoru  
watched as his best friend, Motoki, flash Usagi a toothy grin. A  
pang of jealously seared though him and then disappeared but  
not before making Mamoru extremely uncomfortable in the  
process.  
Usagi giggled softly in reply, "I guess I am, there's just so  
many things to be happy about." Inside, however, she wasn't as  
bubbly, she was praying that Mamoru wouldn't show up while  
she was here, she couldn't bear to face him after yesterday. She  
had stood there, pleading, no begging, for him to keep her secret.   
Mamoru had said he would, and she believed him. But still, she  
was at the mercy of her worst enemy, who know what he could  
do with such information.  
He watched Motoki slid the tall glass in front of the  
young girl and studied the conversation that followed, her  
laughter floated across the room igniting strange emotions in  
him.  
"Damn it Mamoru, pull yourself together, you never used  
to be like this around her, nothing's changed." he whispered to  
himself. But things had changed, she was no longer just a child  
but a warrior, and the one he swore always to protect. His hands  
bunched up into fists involuntarily, this whole situation, all of his  
new feelings were all Usagi's fault. The logic made sense to  
Mamoru, she should have been more careful, and found a better  
place to hide when transforming so they wouldn't be in this  
mess. With a new resolve he rose from his seat and started  
toward her, determined to work everything out.  
  
~  
And you can use my skin  
To bury secrets in  
~  
  
"Usagi-san can I speak to you for a moment?" Mamoru's  
tone was curt and took the young girl by surprise. She spun  
around and plastered a big smile on her face to cover up her  
nervousness.  
"Of course Mamoru-san." Her nerves were on edge  
immediately after she heard his smooth voice interrupt her and  
Motoki's lighthearted banter. The voice inside her head was  
screaming for her to run, to remove herself from the situation.  
"How about we take a little walk and enjoy the fresh air."  
His gaze was boring into her, turning her insides to jelly. She  
smiled briefly at Motoki who was watching them in silence and  
she pushed the empty shake glass toward him. She rose slowly,  
prolonging her stay in the safety of Motoki's presence for as long  
as possible.  
"I'll talk to you later Motoki." Usagi stiffened as  
Mamoru's hand settled on the swell of her back, guiding her  
toward the door. He knew exactly what she was doing and  
longer it took to get out what he wanted to say, the more unsure  
about everything he became.  
  
~  
And I will settle you down  
And at my own suggestion,  
I will ask no questions  
While I do my thing in the background  
~  
  
They meandered their way down the street, in silence.   
Mamoru was slowly starting to cool down, he didn't know how  
she managed to get under his skin without even saying a word.   
They turned down the same alley that he had caught her in  
yesterday - it seemed like a fitting place for their discussion.  
"So what do you want to talk about Mamoru-san?" she  
kept up the facade of stupidity, praying that maybe by some  
stroke of luck he just wanted a friendly conversation. She almost  
laughed out loud at her own ignorance as she realized how  
unlikely that would be.  
"You know Usagi, don't play stupid with me." he  
stopped, all pretenses of friendship between them disappeared  
the instant he looked at her with his cold blue eyes. She saw the  
anger in their depths and reacted the only way she knew how.   
She lashed out with anger of her own.  
Without so much as a word from Mamoru, Usagi  
launched into an argument, "You're angry at me, I can see it in  
your eyes! I can't believe your arrogance! What possible reason  
do you have to be upset with me?" she exploded at him without  
any real warning and Mamoru felt his argument fade away as he  
was suddenly lost in her angry gaze.  
In a timid voice that sounded far away as the blood  
rushed past his ear, he answered her, "It's your fault." He  
watched her eyes widen as she listened to his messed up answer.  
"What's MY fault Mamoru? I never asked you to follow  
me into that alley, I never wanted to show you the other side of  
me. How dare you have the gall to blame me for this mess!"  
A fresh wave of anger rolled in to replace the one that  
had just dissipated, "How was I supposed to know a klutz like  
you would be the guardian of Tokyo? You should have been  
more careful about transforming in broad daylight where anyone  
could see! You're lucky it's me who saw you, I'm willing to  
keep it a secret, don't ask me why though." Her mouth fell open,  
her cheeks flushed with a becoming rose color. She reeled back  
as if she had been slapped across the face.  
"You asshole!" she didn't bother to wipe away the tears  
that rolled down her cheeks. She turned to run, wanting with all  
of her heart to get away from him and his hurtful words. But  
before she could move, Mamoru's warm arms were around her  
pulling her closer to him, filling her with contradictions. And  
she wept into his jacket, every sob representing the anguish in  
her heart.   
  
~  
But all the time, all the time  
I'll know, I'll know  
~  
  
Mamoru's fingers glided through her silky hair, the  
feeling of guilt ate away at him. He had sworn to protect her, to  
never let anything hurt her. But he couldn't save her from his  
own callous words. He had this urge to defend the angel in his  
arms in either form.  
He couldn't explain the feelings that circulating around  
inside him. They were indescribable, things he had never felt  
before. He had fought them since the moment he had seen her  
transform. And with a deep breath, Mamoru stopped wrestling,  
with what he felt for the first time and he let the torrid wave of  
emotions wash over him.  
"What have you done to me Usagi?" his soft words  
seemed to break the spell holding them both hostage. She  
stiffened up under his gentle touch and struggled slightly to pull  
free. Mamoru relinquished his grip and she took a step back,  
still visibly shaken.  
Usagi couldn't find the courage to look him in the eye, so  
she focused on the ground. She spoke softly, every word  
shattered another piece of Mamoru's heart. "No one knows how  
it feels, to have that much pressure on your shoulders all the  
time, crushing down on you. It's almost unbearable and it's  
lonely, so so lonely. The other senshi don't know how I feel,  
I've never burdened them with my problems. So I keep  
everything inside," she placed her hand over her heart, "here  
until the pain becomes intolerable."  
He didn't say a word in response, he didn't know how to  
reply to her heartfelt words.  
  
~  
Baby-I can't help you out, while she's still around  
So for the time being, I'm being patient  
And amidst this bitterness  
If you'll just consider this-even if it don't make sense  
All the time-give it time  
~  
  
Mamoru had never considered that she had never had  
anyone to turn to, she was always surrounded by friends. Usagi  
had always seemed happy around him, he never would have  
guessed she felt such pain at times. He was used to having no  
one to turn to, being on his own was second nature to him. He  
opened his mouth, hoping that the words to comfort her would  
come automatically. He was in no condition to phrase what he  
was feeling at that moment into words.  
A rapid beeping interrupted his thoughts as Usagi  
snapped open her watch. "Yes, where is it this time?" her voice  
was still clogged with tears, but the girl on the screen paid no  
attention.  
Rei's impatient voice answered back, "Across town, at  
the museum. Do you know where that is?" Usagi nodded  
slightly, "I'll be right there." she ended the conversation as  
quickly as it had begun.  
"I have to go Mamoru. Duty calls." a semi-smile crept  
upon her lips, showing that she would survive.  
"Of course, I couldn't keep you from your obligations as  
the protector of this fair city." He took a step back and watched  
as a flash of light engulfed her tiny body. When it faded away,  
Sailormoon stood in her place.  
"I'll talk to you later Mamoru." she turned to leave, when  
he reached out and grabbed her arm.  
  
~  
And when the crowd becomes your burden  
And you've early closed your curtains,  
I'll wait by the backstage door  
While you try to find the lines to speak your mind  
And pry it open, hoping for an encore  
~  
  
Sailormoon's eyes stared into his quizzically. A new  
warmth was surfacing in Mamoru's eyes, and she felt  
lightheaded at the thought that she might be the one to inspire  
such intensity in the cold young man.  
He closed his eyes and went with the words in his heart,  
"I just wanted to tell you before you left, you're not alone  
anymore. I'm here, a-and I'm more than willing to listen if you  
need someone to talk to. Or even a shoulder to cry on..." he  
trailed off, finding the words harder to say as he went on. "That  
is if you think we could ever be friends..."  
She touched his shoulder gently, touched by his concern  
and his truce. "I would like that very much Mamoru, I think I'll  
take you up on your offer." On impulse, she kissed him quickly  
on the cheek, ignoring the dizzying effect touching him had on  
her. With a jaunty wave, she disappeared, swallowed up into the  
city streets.  
He raked a hand through his hair, reliving what had just  
taken place. A smile spread across his face as he touched his  
cheek where she had kissed him. That's when he knew he loved  
her.  
  
~  
And if it gets too late, for me to wait  
For you to find you love me, and tell me so  
It's ok, don't need to say it.   
~  
  
~Fin.~  
  
Soooooooooooooooooo... what did everyone think? Have  
I lost my touch? Is this hopelessly bad? Was it really good?   
You guys tell me :)  
  
liz221@ameritech.net  
  
Drop me a line with a comment, praise or a flame. But  
keep in mind, I cry easily :)  
  
e-mail me!  
e-mail me!  
e-mail me!  
  
Liz-chan 


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